It’s back-to-school time in my district and that means it’s a huge time of transition for many kids. Summer just ended and children are suddenly expected to wake up earlier, get out the door on time, spend hours at school, follow a new teacher’s routines, navigate new classmates, transition between subjects and/or activities all day, come home and complete homework, adjust to extracurricular schedules, go to bed earlier, and more! Back-to-school isn’t just one transition – it’s dozens of transitions happening all at once. Maybe your child isn’t thrilled about back to school, or maybe they are excited but are still struggling with the transition. Either way, this time of year can be difficult for many children. The good news is, there are strategies you can use to make transitions go smoother at home and at school. 

What is a transition?

A transition isn’t only major life events or changes. A transition is simply moving from one activity, expectation, environment, or routine to another. Sometimes children experience bigger transitions, like going from summer break back to school, going from elementary school to middle school or middle school to high school, moving, or changing teachers. Other transitions are smaller and happen on a daily basis like going from home to school, from play to homework time, recess to class, screen time to chores, or home to practice. 

For a child who struggles with transitions, the problem isn’t necessarily the activity they’re being asked to do. Rather, the difficult part may be shifting from what they’re doing now to what comes next. 

Why are transitions so hard?

So why can this be so difficult for some children? There are five main categories that make transitions hard: difficulty shifting attention, lack of predictability, time awareness, executive functioning demands, and emotional regulation. 

• Difficulty Shifting Attention - This is especially difficult when a child is focused on something enjoyable. Their attention is still focused on what they’re doing, so shifting to something new can take time, especially when the next activity is less preferred.

• Lack of Predictability - Unexpected changes can make transitions harder because it doesn’t give a child time to mentally prepare. 

• Time Awareness - Five minutes can feel abstract to a child. Some children have difficulty sensing how much time has passed or how much time remains. 

• Executive Functioning Demands - Transitions require children to complete a chain of events: Stop → remember what’s next → organize themselves → shift attention → start something new. That is a lot of executive functioning happening in a short period of time. 

• Emotional Regulation and Anxiety - Sometimes the difficulty  isn’t about what the child is being asked to leave. Instead, they may feel worried about what’s coming next. For example, a student going back to school may be wondering “Who will I sit with?” “What if the work is hard?” Or “What if I don’t know what to do?”

Why can back-to-school be an especially difficult transition?

Students going back to school aren’t just transitioning from home to school; they are combining multiple transitions at once. 

• Routine Changes - sleep, mornings, meals, homework

• Environmental Changes - new classroom, teacher, classmates, noise

• Academic changes - new expectations and harder work

• Social changes - friendships, new classmates, different dynamics

• Independence changes - remembering materials, following schedules, managing responsibilities

On top of all of this, children are also transitioning repeatedly throughout the school day as they move from one activity to another and from one class to another. It is important to remember that it is normal for children to need some time to settle into new routines, and the adjustment period can look different for each child (American Academy of Pediatrics, 2024a). 

What do transition struggles actually look like?

What I want parents to understand here is that there are many signs that signal transition difficulties that could easily be misunderstood as disobedience or disrespect. Before assuming your child is simply being defiant, stay curious about what may be making the transition difficult. Sometimes a child knows exactly what they’re supposed to do but is struggling with the mental and emotional shift required to do it. Sometimes children simply don't want to stop something they enjoy or start something they dislike. The goal is to stay curious about what's driving the behavior while still holding appropriate boundaries.

Transition struggles aren’t always look like big meltdowns. Sometimes the signs are much more subtle. Some examples of signs that your child may be struggling with transitions are:

• Ignoring you

• Negotiating

• Asking for “one more minute” repeatedly

• Moving incredibly slowly

• Running away from the task

• Becoming silly or hyperactive

• Shutting down

• Crying

• Anger

• Repeatedly asking what’s happening next

• Refusing to leave

• Suddenly needing to do five other things

• Becoming irritable after school

Why does my child hold it together at school and fall apart at home?

Some children seem to manage the demands of the school day well but become much more emotional, irritable, or overwhelmed once they get home. After hours of following directions, navigating social situations, managing emotions, filtering distractions, and moving through transitions, they may simply have less capacity left by the end of the day. Home can also require fewer of the social and behavioral demands they have been managing at school, so parents may see emotions and behaviors that weren't apparent during the school day.

As a parent, there are several things you can do to help with the after-school transition. First, don’t immediately bombard them with “How was school?” “Do you have homework?” “Go change.” “Clean out your lunchbox.” “We have soccer in 20 minutes.” If your child has had a hard day transitioning and you give them five more upcoming transitions the moment they get in the car, it will leave them feeling overwhelmed and you are more likely to see outbursts. When possible, give your child a pause after school. For some kids this may be five minutes, for others it may be an hour. During this time, offer your child water, a snack, quiet time, and movement. It may also help to provide connection that doesn’t involve upcoming transitions - a hug, saying “I love you,” or a conversation about something your child is interested in can all help your child feel seen and cared for and help shift their brain from school to home. 

How can I make other transitions easier?

• Make the day predictable

This doesn’t mean every day has to look exactly the same or that you have to avoid those moments in life that just “pop up.” Using visual schedules, calendars, or written routines can help your child know what the expected routine for the day is (American Academy of Pediatrics, 2024b), (IRIS Center, n.d.). Review the schedule the night before or in the morning so your child knows what to expect. When those unexpected changes do come up, do your best to give a heads up. 

• Give transition warnings

Many parents think they do this and wonder why their child doesn’t respond well to it. Remember, children don’t always have a good understanding of the concept of time. Using a visual timer and pairing your time warning with what happens next may be more helpful. For example, instead of saying “Five more minutes!” Say, “Five more minutes of Legos, then we’re putting on shoes.” You could then set a visual timer, so your child can see how much time is remaining. Some children benefit from more than one warning; for example, at ten, five, and two minutes. You can adjust the timing based on your child’s age and needs. 

• Use first/then language

Similarly to pairing time warnings with what happens next, using first/then language helps children know which activity is coming to an end and which one will begin. It provides predictability which can help reduce anxiety about what’s next. For example, if your child typically asks for a snack the moment you get home but you want to empty their backpack first, you could say, “first backpack, then snack” on your way home from school. This sets the expectation in clear language and lets your child know that you understand their wants and needs, and they will be met, but there are things that need to happen first (IRIS Center, n.d.). 

• Break the transition into steps

Some children may need explicit instructions on how to complete a task. Instead of “get ready for school” it may be helpful to break that task into smaller steps like “get dressed,” “brush your teeth,” “get your backpack.” Breaking a transition into smaller steps can help it feel not so overwhelming and it reduces the cognitive load because your child is only expected to remember, focus on, and complete one task at a time. 

• Offer choices within the transition

Offering limited choices can give your child some appropriate control within the transition. The trick here is to offer choices that are all things you want or need your child to complete. So this doesn’t mean offering to go to school or stay home! Instead, you could ask, “do you want to put your shoes on first or get your backpack ready?”

• Allow processing time

Often, parents give an instruction and if their child doesn’t immediately follow it, they repeat themselves. The more you repeat yourself, the more likely you are to become frustrated that your child isn’t doing what you asked them to do. It is also more likely that your child will feel overwhelmed and frustrated as well. When you give a direction, pause and give your child time to process what you have asked them to do. Then, ask your child to repeat the direction back to you. Follow up in a few minutes to see if they have completed the task. If not, repeat the process and provide assistance if needed. This requires everyone starting a transition early enough so you don’t feel rushed. 

• Practice difficult transitions

Practicing transitions and routines can make them more familiar so your child knows what is expected of them before the real situation happens. You can do this through role-playing, talking through routines, or making fun games. For example, if getting ready for school seems to take forever, tell your child you’re going to play “beat the clock.” Set a timer and tell your child to try to get ready for school before the timer goes off. Start with plenty of time so your child can experience success and build confidence. As the routine becomes more familiar, gradually reduce the amount of prompting and assistance you provide. You may be able to decrease the time as well, but remember, independence is more important than speed (American Academy of Pediatrics, 2024a). 

• Support transitions – don’t avoid them

Transitions are a part of everyday life and children need to be equipped with the skills they need to transition successfully. The goal isn’t to make sure your child’s day always goes exactly as planned. That’s simply not realistic. The goal is to give them the tools that help them manage change. Start with predictability and support, then gradually give your child opportunities to practice flexibility in safe, manageable ways. 

When should I seek additional support?

Transition struggles warrant a closer look when they are frequent, intense, persistent, occur across multiple settings, interfere with school, relationships, activities, or family life, or are causing significant distress (American Academy of Pediatrics, 2024c). 

These signs alone do not indicate a diagnosis. However, some children with ADHD, autism, anxiety, sensory differences, or executive functioning challenges may experience transitions differently and need additional support navigating transitions. 

If you’re concerned, your child’s teacher, pediatrician, or another qualified professional can help you look at the bigger picture and determine whether additional support may be helpful. 

Back-to-school asks a lot of children. They're adjusting to new routines, expectations, people, environments, and responsibilities—often all at once. The goal isn't a child who never struggles with change. It's a child who gradually develops the skills and confidence to handle change more independently. Remember the four P’s: Preparation, Predictability, Practice, and Patience. These four things won’t eliminate every difficult transition, but they can give your child the support and practice they need to handle change with greater confidence and independence. 

References

American Academy of Pediatrics. (2024a). Back-to-school tips for families. HealthyChildren.org. AAP back-to-school resource

American Academy of Pediatrics. (2024b). The importance of family routines. HealthyChildren.org. AAP family routines resource

American Academy of Pediatrics. (2024c). Help your child manage anxiety: Tips for home & school. HealthyChildren.org. AAP child anxiety resource

IRIS Center. (n.d.). Early childhood: Focused interventions. Vanderbilt University. IRIS visual schedules and first-then boards

Resources

1. American Academy of Pediatrics - Back-to-School Tips for Families

2. IRIS Center - Visual schedule examples

3. American Academy of Pediatrics - Family routine ideas